Emulative envy and loving admiration

Would you rather your friends, family, and partners envy you, or admire you, when you flourish? Many people would prefer to be admired, and so we often strive to tame our envy. Recently, however, Sara Protasi offered an intriguing defence of ‘emulative envy’ which apparently improves us and our relationships, and is compatible with love. I find her account unconvincing, and defend loving admiration in this article. In section two, I summarise Protasi’s nuanced account of envy. In section three, I argue that irrespective of how we analyse emotions in general we can argue that it is preferable to prioritise the cultivation of some emotions over others. In section four, I challenge Protasi’s assumptions about the affinity between love and envy. My core argument is in section five where I examine envy’s impact on the envier, the envied, and relationships. Envy impedes an authentic relationship to the goods and goals in the envier’s life, alienates the envied, and stifles joint-action. From all perspectives admiration typically fares better. After briefly considering the objection admiration may impede love in section six, I conclude, in section seven, that admiration should be preferred to emulative envy in our intimate relationships.