The Bereavement of Parents and Their Search for Meaning

SUMMARY The emotional relief of bereavement is generally recognized as being the primary task of mourner and caregiver, but less attention has been given to the ways in which the bereaved understand their experience and reconstitute family life. Recent studies of parents whose children have died in traumatic circumstances, from murder, suicide and operation, suggest that it is an essential part of griefwork to resolve the meaninglessness of the crises. Those whose children die from chronic disease, handicaps, or accidents, also need to find a meaning in their tragedies. Bereavement is thus a total psychophysical experience of suffering, and the renewal of family life depends on the acceptance of separation and the regenerative use of its pain. Insights from psychiatrists and sociologists are acknowledged and related to those of bereaved parents, and to the development of their self-help association, The Compassionate Friends. These provide models of mourning and a collective response to family loss which offer hope, support and varieties of meaning to the newly bereaved. The roles of health and social workers involved in pre- and post-bereavement care are explored, and ideas are offered for making the social network more supportive. It is suggested that this will not be costly in material resources, but in those needed for the more therapeutic involvement of the caregiver.