Negotiating Care: Ties Between Aging Mothers and Their Caregiving Daughters

Objectives. Using a feminist social constructionist perspective, we illuminate how aging mothers and their caregiving daughters negotiate issues of connection, autonomy, and conflict. Methods. We conducted a qualitative analysis of videotaped interactions between 31 White mother–daughter pairs. Results. We found that the mothers and daughters mostly (a) were attentive and responsive, (b) preserved mothers' autonomy, and (c) minimized open conflict and tension. Subtle behavioral cues visible on the videotapes also exposed underlying emotional tension in these relationships. These cues alerted us to important variation in relationship quality among the pairs. Three patterns of relating emerged: (a) symmetrically connected, (b) asymmetrically connected, and (c) symmetrically constrained. Discussion. Our exploratory study suggests that a balance between autonomy and connection is fundamental to the success of these mother–daughter caregiving relationships. Not only is it important for frail mothers to be responsive to their caregiving daughter's needs, but also it is important for daughters to support the autonomy and independence of their mothers. Our study also highlights the importance of attentiveness in these relationships. Even when mothers, because of illness and frailty, were less capable of attending to their daughters' lives, daughters in connected pairs interacted with their mothers in attentive ways. In constrained pairs, neither intergenerational partner was attentive.