Out, damn naturalists

I recycle, walk softly upon the earth, breathe as little as possible and eschew harsh detergents. I refuse all packaged and imported slave-labour food. I make only green investments. I read things online in order to preserve forests, and my only newspaper not available online, I turn into mulch for a hedgerow. I return flyers. I don't own a dishwasher. I mend and fix everything. And I even spit to enrich the soil.