Perceiving and Wanting to Be Valued by Others: Implications for Cognition, Motivation, and Behavior in Romantic Relationships

Two studies examined implications of two individual differences—perception of being valued by others and desire to be valued by others—for romantic relationships. Study 1 included 171 participants involved in romantic relationships (59 males, 112 females) and examined attributions and behavioral intentions in hypothetical scenarios. Study 2 involved 160 heterosexual couples who completed daily reports and/or an observed conflict discussion. Perception of being valued by others and desire to be valued by others independently predicted more pro‐relationship responses and reduced relationship‐destructive responses, including more care, commitment, and regard for partners; more responsive and ingratiating behavior; less negative behavior; and more positive perceptions and behavioral intentions. Perceived and desired interpersonal value were related to attachment anxiety, attachment avoidance, and trait self‐esteem. However, perceived and desired interpersonal value were superior predictors of relationship outcomes, even in replications of foundational attachment studies. Individual differences in believing that one is valued by others and wanting to be valued by others independently predict relationship maintenance, and these dimensions may be at the core of many effects of attachment dimensions and self‐esteem. These individual differences appear to be important aspects of personality that guide cognition, motivation, and behavior in interpersonal relationships.