The Art of Giving and Receiving Advice

Seeking and giving advice are central to effective leadership and decision making, and they require emotional intelligence, self-awareness, restraint, diplomacy, and patience on both sides. But managers tend to view these competencies as "gifts" that one either has or lacks. The authors argue instead that they are practical skills you can learn and apply to great effect. They draw on a large body of research to identify the most common obstacles to effectively seeking and giving advice - such as thinking one already has the answers, defining the problem poorly, and overstepping boundaries - and offer practical guidelines for getting past them. The authors define the five stages of advising: 1. finding the right fit; (2) developing a shared understanding; (3) crafting alternatives; (4) converging on a decision; and (5) putting advice into action. Each stage includes suggestions for seekers and for advisers. Example: At stage 4, when it's time to narrow down the options, a seeker might review discarded or briefly considered ideas, and his adviser might play devil's advocate - to check for confirmation bias. Overall, the authors' guidelines amount to a fundamental shift in approach: a creative, collaborative way of understanding problems and crafting promising paths forward - which often requires an ongoing conversation.