Friendliness to the Self

To practice fully, we need to integrate all the parts of ourselves: integrate the unseemly parts such as the parts that are starved for attention, that are needy or embarrassing; the hateful, fearful, or resentful parts; or the irritable part that gets angry with others and that constantly judges how we are doing—all these parts need to be integrated with the open, relaxed, and understanding part which is our essential wisdom. The Buddhist meditation teacher, Tara Brach, used the term “radical acceptance” to mean “the willingness to experience ourselves and our life as it is” (Brach 2004, p 4). Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki said, “The way to extend your practice is to expose yourself as you are, without trying to be someone else” (Suzuki 2002, p 8). The Buddhist meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg said that when we have unacceptable feelings like anger, fear, or jealousy, if we are able to "open to the pain of these states rather than [feeling] disgraced by their arising" (Salzberg 1995, p 81), this will create an environment of compassion for ourselves.