Saudi women EFL learners' expressing guilt and defiance discourses: Evolving their gendered identities

English is now widely considered the most powerful and influential language in the world. Saudi Arabia believes that its transition from oil to a knowledge-based economy is dependent on its citizenry learning English as a foreign language (EFL). To play their role, Saudi women need access to EFL, access that is affected by their agency and responses to challenging gendered norms. This exploratory qualitative study sheds light on two discourses associated with Saudi women investing in learning EFL: guilt and defiance. Data were collected (2018-2019) via semi-structured interviews with nine Saudi women of various ages, social, educational, employment, and sectarian backgrounds. A thematic analysis revealed how Saudi women exhibited the discourses of guilt and defiance throughout their EFL learning journey. The major guilt subthemes were child rearing guilt, L1 (loss of first language) guilt, and regret for not starting to learn EFL sooner. Defiance subthemes included gendered identity, professional hegemony, and Eurocentrism defiance. Despite personal and other-attributed guilt and shame, study participants defied societal and cultural norms and chose to invest in learning EFL. This study demonstrated the benefit of hearing Saudi women's voices to address the paucity of research targeting their investment in learning EFL.