Sextually aroused: A mixed-methods analysis of how it feels for romantic and sexual partners to send and receive sext messages

Individuals who engage in sexting are primarily motivated by the desire to initiate sex with their sexting partner. The bulk of the research into sexting, however, focuses on potential negative consequences or societal concerns about participating in the behavior. The current study took a mixed-methods approach to assessing the feelings that adults experience when sending and/or receiving sext messages. A total of 405 participants (54.8% men) who identified as participating in sexting behaviors with their relationship partner(s) in the past 12 months responded to open-ended prompts that explored their feelings when sending or receiving a sext message from their partner(s). Qualitative text coding identified eight themes (excited 42.0%, good 23.3%, anxious 10.2%, wanted 8.8%, naughty 6.1%, connected 4.1%, loved 2.7%, and negative 2.7%). Excitement was mentioned most frequently, typically in conjunction with other feelings, with over one-third of respondents who mentioned feeling anxious, naughty, good, or wanted also mentioning feeling excited. Quantitative text analyses revealed that people who were more attracted to the same sex wrote more about sexting using more explicit and complex language, with higher rates of biological (particularly sexual) words (e.g., aroused, sex) and negations (e.g., never, not). Heterosexual men used more present-tense verbs (e.g., am, feels). Results suggest that sexting tends to be a complex but often arousing and positive experience, with subtle differences in perspective across the sexes and the sexual orientation continuum. •Most participants mentioned feeling excited when sexting their partner.•Those attracted to the same gender used more sexual language.•The feeling of excitement was often coupled with another feeling.•Sexting is a complex, arousing, and often positive experience.