“I think you understand me.” Studying the associations between actual, assumed, and perceived understanding within couples

The current study examined the associations between actual, assumed, and perceived understanding and partners’ levels of dyadic adjustment. One hundred fifty‐two couples provided questionnaire data (assumed and perceived understanding), participated in a videotaped conflict interaction, and in a video‐review task to assess actual understanding (empathic accuracy). The data were analyzed by means of the Actor‐Partner Interdependence Model. The results suggest that (a) some aspects of how well someone assumes that (s)he has understood the partner during a preceding conflict interaction were positively associated with his/her own objective level of understanding (actor effect), (b) that someone's perception of how understood (s)he feels was not associated with the partner's objective level of understanding (partner effect), and (c) perceived understanding, but not actual understanding, was positively associated with dyadic adjustment.